Dear Reader, thank you so much for reading this story. It has taken nearly a year of my writing life to get the whole thing finished. This is Chapter 13 of 14 chapters and the total is over 250,000 words. It is my Dirk Diggler/Jack Horner act of hubris: my attempt to write an erotic adventure story that pulls you in with a story you want to read, even when there isn't any sex going on (though there is a lot of sex. Crazy, weird, fun sex). It is the most ambitious piece of erotic fiction I have ever attempted. So I hope you enjoy it.
With that said, this book is not for everyone. It will be too long for many people (no shame in that, it is a big time investment). Some of the sex scenes are intense and include themes like hermaphroditism, non-consensual activity, incest, etc. For some people, that will likely be the appeal. In fact, while this story is definitely not for everyone, I think for a select group of people this story will essentially have everything you could ever ask for. So if that is you, congratulations, you found that thing you have been searching for. You can skip ahead to the sex and I won't be offended, but I think this story is more than the sum of its parts. If you read this whole story, you will not be disappointed.
In Chapter 1, our main character, Princess Varis, finds that her father has died and that, by virtue of the fact that she is a hermaphrodite and can father a child, she is now the Sultanah. In Chapter 2, Varis unearthed a conspiracy to destroy her Empire led by Rahip, the Cardinal of the "New Religion" and later she received her coronation. In Chapter 3, Varis humiliated the New Religion and raised the morale of her besieged people. In Chapter 4, Varis lifted the siege through a daring midnight raid. In Chapter 5, Varis survived an assassination attempt and visited her harem. In Chapter 6, Varis faced a challenge to her authority and seduced a noblewoman to maintain it. In Chapter 7, Varis defeats the raiders and comforts a peasant girl. In Chapter 8, Varis is briefly engaged and kills her fiancé for betraying her. In Chapter 9, Varis slept with a member of the harem, her half-sister, while her aunt watched. In Chapter 10, Varis wed her sister and consummated the marriage. In Chapter 11, Varis sleeps with two new hermaphrodite members of the harem. Chapter 12, Varis performs a sexual ceremony with three surprising women.
Some recurring characters you might want by name are Varis (the Sultanah and narrator), Cin (the head priestess of Gunes), Arkadas (Varis' friend and servant), Kardes (Varis' older sister), Nislani (Varis' younger sister), Rahip (a Cardinal of the 'new religion'), Duke Hain (an important lord opposing Varis), Lord Sadik (a minor lord who has spoken in support of Varis); King Sican (the leader of Dusman, a rival kingdom), Prince Lider (Sican's son); King Köylü (the leader of Temsilci, a rival kingdom); Agiz and Got (Subordinate Sun Priestesses); Saygili (Varis' guard); Soyguncu (a pickpocket and spy for Varis); Tutuklu (the head concubine of the harem); Kukla (a noblewoman); Maderşahi (the leader of Anaerki, an ally). Further, Gunes is the name of the Sun God, Tanri is the name of the 'new god.' The city where the story is set is Şehir in the country of Ülke and the Empire of Bütün Dünya. If you need more...reread the earlier chapters.
Please, please, please, please, please tell me what you think after you read this. I put an embarrassing amount of work into this and I want to know what you think. Especially if it is good things.
Special Note: This chapter contains non-consensual themes and extreme sex acts. Beyond the sex, it is an exceptionally dark chapter. You have been warned.
Part VII: The Final Crisis
Chapter 13: Disaster and Revenge
"No," I said simply and shook my head. There was an audible grumble in the room as my voice reverberated around the hall. It was bulging to capacity and, in fact, several lords were standing out in the hall, peeking through the open door and trying hear what was said.
"I do not believe you understood what I said. I was not asking Sultanah, I was explaining the historical situation," Duke Hain eyes were protruding out of his head and his mouth was opening and closing like his mother's legs, "Castle Inhanet was deeded to my ancestor, the fifth Duke of Bok Kafa nearly eight centuries ago, I have all of the documentation. And, under the Restoration Act of 1215, lands recovered by the Empire revert to their lawful owner or that lawful owner's heir. There is no question I am the rightful heir to the Inhanet estate and I demand to know when you intend to hand it over to me." Hain spoke with growing vehemence with each word and spit flicked from his lips. He looked around the room as if to ask the other barons assembled: can you believe I have to ask? There seemed to be some agreement with him. But I was unmoved.
"Duke Hain it has been apparent for months now that you believe me to be a particularly stupid woman. But I assure you, I understood you the first time. That is why I said 'no,'" I explained with even greater heat than Hain had brought. I could not believe that I was having this conversation here and now. Who exactly did Duke Hain believe he was and why did he believe he could speak to me in such an insolent manner. Nonetheless, my sharp manner had placed the room on edge. Everything had become extremely quiet and the barons were leaning forward, waiting to see what would happen next.
"That is against the law..." Hain began, nearly shaking with rage.
"I am the law, in case you have forgotten Duke Hain. I may suspend or selectively enforce any Act passed by any deliberative body in the Empire at my sole discretion," This, of course, was true. Though most Sultans chose to tread lightly. But I had decided that today, I was going to make an example. And it felt good.
I guess I was feeling a bit confident. I had recently returned from my trip to Anaerki and the conclusion of my alliance there. Kardes and I had returned home and it seemed my Inner Council was more united and productive than ever. I had also shepherded several actions through the Executive Assembly to control bread prices, begin plans on widening several important canals, and modernization of city defenses. Perhaps most important, we were now well into campaign season and King Lider had not returned with the Dusman army. There was no evidence of the Temsilci either. I was beginning to think that the resilience the Empire had shown in the face of their previous invasion was giving them pause. Even if I could simply hold them off for another year, I believed I could be fully prepared for the defense of the Empire.
It was in that mood of confidence that I had met with the Peers. While most of the barons' business was now conducted by the Executive Assembly, I still liked to have the Peers around on occasion, to hear concerns that might not be raised by the Executive Assembly. But today, as soon as I called the meeting into Order, Duke Hain had immediately rose (without recognition) and demanded (as he had at every Executive Assembly meeting for weeks) the "return" of Castle Inhanet.
I was not the same scared girl who had sat down on the throne nine months earlier. I was no longer willing to be cowed by this fool. I had looked to my right and I could see both Kardes and Cin wordlessly pleading with me to remain calm and to ignore the Duke's tone. But I had learned a valuable lesson (and I still consider it a valuable lesson, even in light of the events that would later befall me) that I had been too accommodating to my enemies and not nearly loyal enough to my friends. I had been trying to cultivate Duke Hain's good will for months now and the only thing that I had achieved was an emboldened foe. He had constantly tried to belittle and undermine my authority. I expected him of every treachery, included attempts at my life. He believed he could treat me infamously in my own chambers, before the Peers, and that I would simply take it. Perhaps he believed I would be embarrassed by the confrontation in front of everyone and that I would give in now, having blocked him several times at the Executive Assembly. Well Duke Hain was mistaken and Cin and Kardes were to be disappointed.
After I shut him down, Duke Hain seemed nearly apoplectic. Now he was the one to be embarrassed in front of the Peers. They avoided looking at him, feeling uncomfortable in his disappointment. Even the loyalist avoided his eye. He sputtered for several minutes, before tactlessly addressing an issue that we all understood but consciously avoided discussing.
"I should expect nothing else, you have always played favorites. Certainly if Lord Sadik had requested the proper enfeoffment of Castle Inhanet he would be swiftly obliged. You have allowed our political differences to cloud your judgement. How can any Lord know that he will receive fair treatment at your hands?" he asked, looking around desperately. I saw several Collaborationist lords nodding. They may not have liked Hain's brash style, but they knew I did not favor them. Duke Hain was attempting, rather ham-handedly, to show me the limits of my power. Rather than tempering me, this pushed me farther.
"Your right hand, Lord Örnek, petitioned just three days ago for a six month extension in paying a military tax in lieu of providing the required 125 men for the defense of the city. I granted that request and also offered additional months of indulgence in the future as needed. I have extended this courtesy to several Lords disrupted by the war, regardless of their political affiliation. This has nothing to do with overall party politics. It is about you Duke Hain, and the manner in which you present yourself here, in my throne room. Do you believe yourself to be my co-Sultan? Is that why you behave in this boorish manner? Well let me disabuse of your notion. You are a Lord. You are surrounded by your Peers. I am the Sultanah. I sit above you. I have no Peers." I could sense Cin wincing without even seeing her. I was being heavy-handed. But I felt I had earned it. I had been demure and yielding for too long.
"I have never been anything but a loyal servant to you and your family..."he began trying to win sympathy from the crowd. He actually looked and sounded hurt, I half expected tears to well in his eyes. I didn't notice if any of the Lords were agreeing with him. I kept my eyes fixed on his ugly face.
"Good," I interrupted, "Then I expect you to loyally fulfill my following request. In light of your unstatesmanlike behavior at this meeting I ask that you resign your seat on the Executive Assembly effective immediately." The crowd actually gasped now. Lord Hain had essentially invented the Assembly. He was a leader of an entire court faction. I didn't care. I was trying to shake things up, to put foolish men in their place.
Of course, there had been no plan for this. I had always hoped to remove Hain at some point in the future, if possible. I had been waiting for my political position to improve. And it had been improving. But I had not yet decided the time was right until just then. Duke Hain was still quite powerful and many men followed his every word. I wasn't really sure I was powerful enough to take him on yet. But the words came tumbling out and they felt very good on my lips. Whether or not I was truly ready politically, I was ready spiritually, and I let that guide me. Lord Hain simply stared at me for a long while. His face was incredibly red and he appeared to be trembling with rage.
"You cannot remove me..."he began.
"No I cannot, that is why I asked you to resign. But If I needed you removed, I could certainly find three votes on the Executive Assembly for your censure and impeachment, could I not? You would think a man who believes himself to be so intelligent would recognize that he is constantly outflanked" I said, cutting him off again. I had him routed. He should have recognized I was willing to make this threat without making me say it, but instead, he was forced to absorb another body blow. He stammered for several seconds before finally, being able to control himself.
"Give me my Castle and I will resign immediately," he said and I actually snorted.
"If you had come to me and discussed this with me in an appropriate venue you probably could have received that request. But you chose to make a scene here, in this venue, of all places. You have dishonored yourself and you have embarrassed me. I cannot now give you anything but my contempt," I said, savoring my ultimate triumph. How much had things changed in just a few months? Could I have even imagined to stand so firmly on my convictions just a few months ago. I felt power surging in my limbs and I knew that others could feel it as well. Hain did not even speak. Before I was even done with my remarks he was already turning towards the door.
"I do not need to stay here for this abuse," Hain said dramatically, "I am leaving, and anyone who wishes to follow me may come. We will return to the Sultanah when she is more willing to speak in a respectful manner." And soon, in a huff, Hain was out the door. A handful of hardcore Collaborationist followed him out. Loyalists looked pleased. Many others looked troubled by the discord, unsure what to do. I did not say a word, instead I sat down and I held the meeting I intended to hold the entire time.
* * * * *
"I am not saying he did not deserve it. By the Sun God's eyes I cannot even say that I did not enjoy seeing it happen. But that does not change the fact that it was a mistake," Cin was sitting next to me in the throne room and she was running her hands nervously through her hair.
"What was I just telling you about your impulsiveness?" Kardes chirped in. She was pacing in front of me and shaking her head. The rest of my Inner Council were standing around the room, not sure of how to take this sudden assertiveness. We had waited here after the meeting with the barons concluded. They had filed out slowly, many still looking dazed by the encounter. Now, several hours later, we were going around and around the confrontation from every angle. I appeared to be the only person who believed I acted correctly. I sighed.
"I was being decisive. We can all agree that Hain has developed an exaggerated notion of his own importance. I was just demonstrating that today. Did you see how few lords followed him out? I think I made my point," I said, "There is no longer any question of who is the most powerful person at this court."
"Yes, but that does not mean that you can simply get rid of him. Not everyone who supports him left. You spoke in a manner that would worry all of the Lords, not just Collaborationists," Cin said wearily.
"I have never been in a stronger position. It was time to flex some muscle domestically," I explained my thinking.
"I agree that it was time for that. But you didn't flex your muscles, you put on a weight-lifting exhibition. And you lack the endurance to maintain the show! You are more secure than ever, but you will expose your still-weak position if you push too far too fast. You should have made a smaller demonstration and then built to removing Hain over time while simultaneously isolating him at court by picking off his followers," Kardes explained. That plan actually sounded pretty effective, but I was not yet ready to admit that my bold action was any sort of a mistake.
"I have spent months neutralizing domestic enemies. It was time to heighten the division and force them into submission. I did it," I said.
"You exposed the desperateness of their position. You are consolidating your power and you have gained a valuable time for the Empire to recover. That won't convert the Collaborationists to your side. It will make them reckless," Cin predicted. I was not in any position, at that time, to recognize the wisdom of her words.
"Good, their desperation will force them into further mistakes and I will exploit those too. I wasn't lying to Hain. He probably would have gotten what he wanted if he behaved liked a gentleman. Now I get everything and he gets nothing," I said.
"Don't be so sure that your actions have not been reckless. Maybe someone is plotting to exploit your mistake as we speak," Kardes replied, annoyed.
"Let them come," I said, "I am no longer afraid." At that moment, the world seemed to slow down. I will never forget that moment as long as I lived. For some time I almost believed that I had spoken some sort of magical words, that, in my hubris, I had summoned something into being that would not have been present otherwise. That my pride had risen and Gunes had to put me in my place. I still don't know. At best, it was a horrible coincidence.
Regardless, as I spoke those fatal words the doors to the throne room were tossed open. I was not looking at them, but I could hear them swing wide and slam into the walls on either side. I heard a clanging thump as two armored bodies were tossed onto the floor in front of the door. They were my guards. But that sound was almost immediately drowned out by the sounds of swords slipping from scabbards, armor brushing together, and the roar of enraged men.
Now I was able to turn around fully and see what was happening. It was all happening so fast I didn't really comprehend what was going on. But instinctively I knew that a disaster was about to occur. My skin prickled, my heart thudded, and my stomached tightened. I swung around in slow motion in time to see men beginning to pour into the throne room. The chairs that the peers had been sitting in were still strewn about the room and my Inner Council and I were on the far side. This slowed down the advance momentarily. But nonetheless it was clear that there were dozens of men throwing chairs to both sides and making their way in my direction. These men were heavily armed and expensively armored. There was no attempt to conceal their identity. In fact, in the front of the pack, with his visor set up so that he could stare directly into my eyes, was Duke Hain.
While I lacked the full time to fully work out all of the details of what was occurring, I already knew the broad strokes even before the front line of soldiers made their way halfway through the throne room. Of course, these were Collaborationists and their retainers. Duke Hain and his followers had been waiting for months for me slip up so that they could seize my power and destroy my dynasty. I had worked carefully and wisely and I had denied them any chance to do so. They had bided their time and come up with nothing. Then, today, they had seen me flex my muscles and they knew that the people, the other Peers, and the world as a whole were growing to accept my existence. Rather than strengthen with time, their hand was growing weaker. There were fewer Collaborationist than ever and they were certain to keep shrinking if they did nothing.
And so Hain had quickly gathered his loyal followers. They had likely discussed this possibility many times in the past, waiting for the proper opportunity. They had already been in the city, no need to crash the gates. I had few guards in the palace (most were on the city walls, waiting for external threats) and they had quickly overpowered my household retainers. They planned to rush into the throne room and murder me.
They would perform a coup, perhaps placing Hain on the throne or presenting the city to Dusman. Either way, with me dead they would present the situation as a fait accompli to the other Peers. With no choice, my dynasty would die and no one would say a word. They no longer believed they had anything to lose. It was a desperate plan, but the Collaborationists no longer believed they had any alternative. And, like my own boldness and decisiveness earlier, it seemed to be bearing fruit. They had breached the palace, found the throne room, and they were coming for me now.
With little time to spare, my Inner Council swung into action. But we were so few against the tide. Saygili drew his sword and looked grim. He rapidly walked in front of me, shielding my body with his own and preparing for the onslaught. He had a short sword in his belt, an extra (largely ceremonial) weapon. I reached for it, but Saygili recognized it was there and he reached down and grabbed it.
"No Sultanah," he said, "Stay out of the way." And with that, he quickly handed the short sword to the closest person he could find, my sister Kardes. She took it uneasily but stepped forward in front of me. I tried to grab the sword from her hand.
"Varis stop," she said, her voice sounding somewhat panicked, "You are more important...stay out of the way!" As she moved in front of me. Arkadas, terrified, grabbed a chair and lifted it above her head, taking a spot in front of me. I tried to pull her back, to stand with me, but she shook me off. She would not look back at me.
"I love you Varis," she said and I could hear that she had begun to cry. I felt choked and I tried again to throw my arms around my best friend. Saygili turned and shoved me backwards quickly, away from Arkadas and then turned to look in front of himself again. I lost my balance and tumbled into the ground, landing on my ass. I felt blood in the back of my throat and my eyes felt like they were bulging.
Cin, Agiz, and Got had carried ceremonial staves into the throne room and they took these in their hands. Soon, they had lined up in between my sword-bearing protectors, forming a tight semi-circle around me and penning me back towards my throne.
However, not everyone performed with distinction. In fact, before anyone else had even started to move I had seen Soyguncu pull her knife from her belt, run to the nearest window, and throw herself outside. I knew had no idea where she was going, it was a long drop but I doubted she was killing herself. I didn't have time to think about it.
"Step aside and let us have that freak of nature!" Lord Hain cried out, rushing quickly to the front of the room, "You need not all die, we just want the usurper." The entire time he spoke, he looked directly in my eyes and I could feel fire shooting from them. I stared back at him, feeling scared but trying to appear calm. My protectors closed ranks closer, making their circle around me tighter.
"This is treason," I said loudly, hoping that my authority would carry the day. My voice sounded small, almost girlish. Hain and many other laughed.
"We owe you no loyalty!" He said and now I raised my hand in the traditional submission symbol, hoping to repeat my actions from my coronation. The laughter grew more raucous
"You pledged!" I said indignantly, dropping my arm.
"You pledged to restore our estates and you have not," Hain retorted. I knew this was just an excuse for what they were doing. A mere pretense to justify my death. Of course, I had not been above resorting to pretense.
Now Hain and his cadre had made it through the sea of chairs. He was just a few feet in front of Saygili, who was standing directly in front of me. Hain's followers were close behind and soon our little semi-circle was completely surrounded. The room was full of men, perhaps 120 soldiers in all. We were horribly outnumbered.
"Step aside women," Hain said, "And you too, guard. We just want the Usurper!"
"You will not take the Sultanah," Saygili said and raised his blade to defend me. Hain made a move as to advance on Saygili. The other Collaborationists began to tighten up as well, closing in around my guardians.
"Stop!" Cin said and suddenly everyone stopped moving, "This is a mistake Duke Hain. Peers. I will not allow harm to befall my Sultanah," she said. As she spoke the top of her staff grew a dark, glowing red. Agiz and Got saw their staves to grow red as well, though they did not speak. The traitors backed up slightly, looking nervous.
"You know my power," Cin said coolly. There was a rumble of nervousness through the crowd and even Lord Hain briefly looked nervous. There was pure threat in Cin's eyes and I could feel the power of Gunes pulsing out of her. For a moment, I could feel my heartbeat slackening and I could breath. I sat up slightly on the floor, wondering what Cin would do next, how she would solve the crisis. It appeared as though Cin was about the speak again, when she was abruptly interrupted.
"She cannot kill you," A tiny, raspy voice stated somewhere in the back of the crowd, "Whatever power she has...she might be able to restrain you. Some of you. But there are too many. And she cannot kill. She has taken vows. Vows she will not break. Cannot break." The crowd seemed to part in the middle and slowly, the author of the statement came into view. I gasped as the creature stepped into the light.
It was more corpse than man. He was totally bald and his skin so white it was nearly translucent. All of the blood vessels in his eyes were broken, giving his a reddish, glowing whites. His mouth was wide open and I saw a few broken black teeth poking out. His skin hung loose on his face and he was impossibly thin. He was wearing no shirt, only a loin cloth around his waist. His ribs were clearly visible and this stomach was so thin I could nearly see his spine poking through his belly. He was all sharp angles with knobby knees, loose elbows, and all of his skin was covered in oozing sores.
"Cardinal Rahip?" I asked, knowing before he began to cackle that I was right. He had survived. Deep in the dungeon eating rats and drinking waste water. Hain had somehow dug him back out. To bring him here and boost the morale of his troops. From the look in Cin's eyes, the gambit would work. Rahip was calling Cin's bluff.
"You cannot eliminate me any more than you can eliminate the true God. Tanri will have his revenge and I will be the tool of that revenge," Rahip gasped through his shattered mouth. I looked more closely into his red eyes and I could see no sense of human feeling there. His time in the dungeon had driven him insane. My skin crawled and my body recoiled against him. Even the peers that surrounded him pulled back and away from him. He was a vision of their desperation and they wanted desperately to leave him behind, triumphant.
"Rahip, you look as shattered and false as your God," Cin said, "Who here wants to risk their lives on the word of a shattered old man?" Cin spoke with such malevolence
"If I lie, then strike me dead Cin!" he called out, "Come you whore. I give you my permission. Kill me now and prove that you will do the same to the rest!" He took a few steps forward towards us. Cin did not stand back, but instead lifted her staff above her head. She looked icily at Cardinal Rahip, staring into dead eyes and gruesome face. She stood for several seconds, staring while the red light of her staff pulsated. But nothing happened. Rahip began to cackle.
"Were you hoping I would just die on my own?" He asked sharply. It didn't seem like that bad of a bet. But it was now clear to everyone that Cin would not kill anyone. I felt bile in the back of my throat and I looked around for something, anything, to protect myself. The hesitation that had held the crowd back shattered. In fact, the men were now chomping at the bit to attack us. Duke Hain sensed this new found courage and decided to climb in front of it.
"They will not yield! Forward!" Hain called and the circle tightened rapidly around us. The living corpse of Rahip was nearly in the front of the press now.
It is hard to explain what happened during the next few minutes. Hain came charging at Saygili and my general blocked the attack, shoving the Duke him back. But more men were coming. They closed on the priestesses and on my sisters. Their swords were swinging and their spears were stabbing. Nonetheless, our attackers moved cautiously. None of them wanted to die knowing how badly we were outnumbered. They believed they could kill us all without harm. Still, it was not long before we were swarmed.
I stood back, trying to figure out a way to help the situation. But I felt desperate, panicked, and unsure of myself. I knew already that I had brought this on to us and the guilt was already crushing me under its weight. I saw sword and knives flying, I saw blood splash high into the air. I could heard the screams of battle and cries of fright or surprise. Soon, my guardians were each surrounded and men began to pour through the line, heading straight for me.
A number of things happened in the instant before the first of my enemies reached me. I can see each of these things so clearly in my mind, even as I grasp my quill. They all happened at the same time but I can see them separately. First, I saw the door to my left, the one leading to my private chambers burst open. Soyguncu was standing in the door but she quickly plunged inside. Behind her I saw familiar faces. Familiar uniforms. It was the legion I had formed many months ago. I had misjudged Soyguncu. She had jumped out the window, but she had swung herself into the floor below. She had raised the hue and cry, finding members of my army and sending them to the throne room. She told others to pass the word along and now they were pouring, one or two at a time, into the enemy's flank.
That was the only good news. More importantly, I saw Cin raise her staff over her head to block a blow. I saw a sword come down on the hard wood. Cin had misjudged the landing spot of the blow and the sword came down on her left hand, shearing off two of her fingers as if they were made of butter. I heard her scream and falter. To her side, I saw a blade pass through Got's eye and then pass out the back of her head. I saw Got fall to her knees, gasping on the ground before she died. I turned to find Arkadas, but I did not see her. Instead, I saw Saygili trip over something on the floor, landing on his back as Hain lifted his sword to his throat. I did not see what happened to Saygili. I turned away, afraid to look.
But just in time to see a swinging blade slice into my sister's body. The sword moved with force and ease. I would have thought it had missed her except I saw a fountain of blood pour from her throat. The blade had traveled through her neck, severing her throat, and pulled out impossibly dark with imperial blood on the far side. Kardes did not even have time to scream. I watched, horrorstruck but uncomprehending, as her lifeless body fell to the ground. I did not have time to process what I had seen, to understand the full horror of it or to accept my fault, when I felt the club, from somewhere I did not even see, land on the top of my head and the world went mercifully blank.
* * * * *
"Easy, Easy," the voice said above me. I could see nothing but a flash of red light and my head felt like it was pulsating to the erratic rhythm of my heart. I groaned loudly and realized that I was trying to sit up. I did not know where I was or how I had gotten there. I didn't even really have a sense of the last thing I remembered.
"What?" I asked, my voice slurring and my tongue feeling fat. I could taste blood in my mouth. Slowly my eyes began to adjust.
"Sultanah, you must be careful. We have not been able to have you evaluated yet," a familiar voice stated. It had called me Sultanah, not usurper. I knew that was good, but I didn't really remember why, "You must lay down." Now my vision came back as the candle light, that had seemed so blinding, faded. I recognized my location, seeing that I was lying in my own bed with my head on my pillow. The shadow leaning over me came into focus.
"I thought you left me," I said and Soyguncu laughed.
"I thought you knew me better than that," she said. Then she explained the way she had gathered my legion and brought them into the throne room.
She described the battle over my body after I had been knocked out. I remembered none of it. At first the enemy had outnumbered the legion because my troops were forced to enter one or two at a time. Many in my legion were picked off one by one as they entered. The enemy had taken advantage and my unconscious body was in the process of being pulled to the far door by my hair. Someone even suggested tossing me from the window. But each second, enemy troops were falling wounded and injured and more and more of my legionnaires began to enter the room. Soon the tide had turned. My body had been recovered after a blood encounter in the middle of the room. Dozens died as I was tossed back and forth like a rag doll. She explained that it was a miracle that no one had simply stabbed me in the melee, but everything was chaos. Eventually, Soyguncu captured my body and brought me to my room.
With their quarry lost and their casualties mounting, the enemy had broken. They had abandoned one another as they had all tried to bolt, to get out of the palace before death found them. The legion chased them, hacking men down as they ran. All of them were dead or out of the palace now and the building was secure. The enemy was still being hunted through the city streets. Soyguncu was more subdued than was her normal, story-telling attitude and I heard her sigh several times as she told the story.
"Who survived?" I asked as soon as Soyguncu paused.
"Hain and Örnek both made it out. Rahip with them somehow. Several other smaller lords. But we got a lot of them. Saygili sent the legion out into the city to find known Collaborationist who were not here, to arrest them on treason charges," Soyguncu stated and began to tell that story as well. I felt a desperate sensation climbing up the back of my throat. I shook my aching head wildly.
"No...No," I interrupted, "Who among us survived." I said. Soyguncu dropped her head and sighed. I knew she had known the question I had really been asking. She had tried to dodge it. Whatever blades I had eluded in the throne room found me now, icily piercing my heart. I felt a lump in my throat and knew that whatever I was about hear would be...unbearable.
"Well you have, Sultanah. And I. And, as I said, Saygili. He was stabbed in the shoulder, but he should live" she gave a shuddering sigh now.
"Is that all?" I asked, my voice catching in my throat.
"Cin is alive. She has lost..."
"And a lot of blood. But she is strong. Her fellow priestesses have both fallen. Agiz died throwing her body on Cin, to protect her when she fell." There was a pregnant pause after that. I thought of Got. Of Agiz. I thought of our night together when I was first the Sultanah. But the pain I felt for them was dwarfed by a memory that flooded back to me in full horror.
"My sister is dead, Kardes..." I said. I said it as a question in some ways. Hoping that I had hallucinated the image or that somehow, miraculously, she had survived her ordeal. Soyguncu nodded slowly. I saw tears in Soyguncu's eyes now, an unfamiliar and unnatural sight. Seeing them there made the world fell upside down.
"And Arkadas," she said barely audible. And that was all. It was confirmed. Both were dead. My elder sister. My best friend. I did not know in that instant who I missed more. That's too trite. I felt that way, but it was a larger feeling. A feeling that the world was no longer what it was and that nothing could ever be...I don't know. But as I struggled with that sensation, I felt an unrelenting hate for myself that surged from nowhere and coated me in a black shroud. My skin felt cold and clammy. My insides felt dead. Everything ceased to function. I heard myself make a choking sound and my head drooped. Guilt and shame were all I could recognize.
"Nislani?" I asked, suddenly realizing I did now know about my wife. I was no longer surprised to find that I felt real fear at the thought. She was my entire family now. That thought was more hateful than any of the others.
"She is alright. She was discussing the meals for the upcoming week with the cook downstairs. She didn't even know anything had happened. She wants to see you, but I have kept her out," Soyguncu said. I breathed slightly easier but my mind immediately returned to my older sister. And my friend.
I tried desperately in that moment to focus my thoughts on the people that I loved. I wanted to simply sit and bed and think of them. Gunes be praised, even think of Got and Agiz, all night. I would have held Soyguncu's hands and hated myself more and more with each passing moment. But before I could even begin to formulate rational thoughts, my door pounded open. I jumped, half expecting the horde to have returned to finish me off. But I relaxed slightly as I saw Saygili standing in the doorway.
"Gunes be praised, Sultanah you are awake," he said, "The way they tossed you about..." he shook his head. I saw him wince then and look down at his bandaged arm.
"Are you alright?" I asked him, my voice sounding small and childish. I needed my general now more than ever. I had so few allies left.
"I will be fine Sultanah. I worry only for you," he said.
"What is happening out there?" Soyguncu said. She was a scout and a spy, desperate for information.
"The coup has collapsed. It had no popular support. The people don't even really know what happened yet. They just saw the legions chasing a handful of fugitives through the streets. They tore off their armor to move more quickly, they were barely recognizable. Anyway, they needed to kill you to make it stick," Saygili said, looking at me. I nodded. My popularity with the people was small consolation now.
"Have they been apprehended?" I asked now. Saygili shrugged.
"Most are dead, wounded, or captured. I cannot be certain about all of them. But, and I apologize Sultanah, the one you care about the most...Duke Hain has not been located. A guard saw a small group of riders heading away from the city into the moonlight. They were well-appointed. No one knows how they got out. We suspect it was him. Lord Örnek was captured in his home, trying to change into peasants clothing," Saygili said. I felt bitter tears in my eyes, knowing Hain was gone. He was the only person in the world I hated more than myself at that moment.
"I want Lord Örnek dead tonight. His head on the Duke's Gate as a warning. Anyone else who is caught as well. I want a forest of heads," I said coldly. I cannot describe the way I felt when I uttered those words. It did not feel like I said it. It felt reptilian, cold, alien. I did not consider any circumstances or mercy or anything else. I needed to see my own pain reflected in the lifeless eyes of my enemies. Nothing else would suffice.
"We are rounding up Collaborationists who were not involved in the coup as well..."Saygili said.
"Their heads too," I said, feeling even less than I felt before, "They knew this was coming whether they participated or not. No one told me. No trials. I want them dead before the sun is up."
"Of course," Saygili responded. His eyes looked uncertain about the barbarity of my order. I felt no shame in my emotions and he sensed that. He dutifully complied, "We knew where most them lived. We have almost all of them now. We believe anyone we cannot find is likely already in hiding."
"Beg your pardon, Sultanah, but if you kill them...don't you want the details on the conspiracy?" Soyguncu asked. I thought of this for a moment, but my blackness overruled the idea. It tumbled over me and eradicated anything that could be misconstrued as mercy. It did not seem very fruitful anyway.
"We will speak with wives and children and learn what we can. Showing the world our resolve is more important now," I explained.
"That reminds me," Saygili said, "Lord Hain made arrangements for his own escape we believe. But we think he was pretty confident. We found his wife and daughter Kolza still at home. They are in custody."
"The fucking coward," I spat, "leaving his women to face the consequences while he runs off into the night like a thief."
"Worse than a thief," Soyguncu protested.
"I must admit I was surprised to find them there," Saygili said, "I have known many of his men through the years. He is a bastard, but everyone has always said he is very devoted to his family. His daughter, in particular, is supposed to be the apple of his syphilitic eye."
"Never underestimate a coward," Soyguncu said and Saygili whistled. But I focused on his words. I felt something growing inside of me. Something malevolent. Something I could not control. It came so quickly, I barely recognized it.
"So his daughter is his most beloved family member?" I asked and there was a tinny, otherworldly character to my voice. Both Soyguncu and Saygili looked at me strangely, hearing my voice.
"Yes, apparently. She is 24 and unwed because Duke Hain has yet to find a man suitable for her. She is said to be charming, beautiful, and arrogant," Saygili said, "Hopefully she will have good information, but I have not spoken to her yet."
"Well one of us should. Bring her here to me. Immediately," I said blankly. Saygili could tell from the quality of my voice that I did not want to hear more. He quickly turned and left.
* * * * *
Half an hour later, Soyguncu had gone, at my request, to send my regards to Cin and to check in on her condition and I was by myself in my room. At first, when left alone, I had inspected myself to determine what damage I had suffered. My head ached and I was certain that I would have a bump the next day. My arms and legs had some bumps and bruises, but nothing particularly troublesome. It could have been much worse.
Of course, it was much worse. When I had taken the time to assess my body, I finally had a moment of quiet solitude in which I could reflect on what had happened. The shock and surprise of the moment was still on me, but I was able, briefly, to look outside of it. And all I felt there was guilt and pain.
My first thoughts of were of Arkadas. As everything came into focus in my mind, I could see her face. Smiling. My companion and protector since childhood, my most trusted confidant, my most constant lover. There had been so many times in my life before the last year when I had been so very alone. My father hated me, my sister hated me, and my brothers barely noticed me. Arkadas had been my entire world. She had loved me when no one else had. She had led me into adulthood and protected me, the real me, deep inside the hardening body of the Sultanah.
I had told her so many times that I loved her and that I would always love her. I had meant it every time. For months now, I had so little time for her. So little real time. I kept telling myself that when events began to cool, when time began to slow, I would find Arkadas again. I did not know how our relationship would change in that time, but I had always known that it would be the two of us. There would always be time and we would die old women together, maybe lying in the same sickbed and trading jokes about our nurse. Now there was no time. I hadn't even gotten around to the technicality of emancipating her. Temporarily on the backburner, and now forever into the void.
I thought of the last time that I had seen her. Her eyes welling with tears as she went to war. She placed her body in front of mine, shielded me. She had never wanted that kind of life, but she had taken on danger, she had walked into the jaws of death. For me. I thought of her last words as she looked at me, so simple and so honest to who she was, "I love you Varis." And I had not said anything back. I could not remember the last thing I said. I was sure that it had not meaning. And then she turned from me, never to speak to me again. Never to see her again.
Or could I? As my weary eyes closed I was struck by an image. I could not know then, and to this day I do not "know" now, but I know that I saw her. It was a vision sent by Gunes and I know it. The beautiful marble floor of the throne room. Arkadas lying on her back, her legs together and her hands clasped between her breasts, covering a wound that will never heal where her breastbone was shattered. Her skin, so beautifully pale all our lives, was the color of snow. Her lips purple. Her eyes open, but uncomprehending. Her beautiful, long hair crimson and matted against the floor. The golden locks dyed the Sun God's color with her own vital blood.
I knew that this was how she had looked, the image was so clear and so horrible. It felt so real, so real that I wished nothing more than to reach forward into my mind's eye, to caress my friend and tell her that her worries were at an end. To promise I had always loved her as she had loved me. To let her know that I could never forget. But I could not. Even that little consolation was lost to us, whatever it would have been worth. Maybe nothing anyway. Unconsecrated ashes in from fire that consumed the purest thing in this life.
But the thought of Arkadas...body. The uncertainty I felt in not seeing her. It reminded me that perhaps there were worse things than not truly knowing. After all, I had seen Kardes fall. I could will the image into my mind at will. And I did. Over and over again, seeing it happen and each time being completely unable to stop it, to arrest the tide or even to scream out in agony. Too terrible to even comprehend, but for a time it was the only thing of my sister that I could truly remember. The indignity, the horror, and callousness of her death. She was so much and then, in that instant, she was nothing anymore.
"Varis stop. You are more important...stay out of the way!" My sister's final words to me. A keen understanding of politics and strategy to the end. Where would I have been without my sister Kardes? Without my Minister of State? She had taught me how to be a Sultanah in those first dark days, or at least shown me the path I needed to take. She had taught me how to search for advantage and to exploit it. And how to cover your tracks. Loyalty. Perhaps she had shown me that most of all.
But it is too little to simply explain what she had taught me, she was so much more than that. A lover too, of course. And not just the physical (though she had certainly been that). But a lover of life and of the opportunities it provided. Ambition. She had that, but in a manner I had never seen before. A desire for advancement without ruthlessness. A gentle desire to have what her intelligence deserved. It had certainly not been this. I had been wondering so much what my sister would be now that she finally had something of what she desired. Now the world would never know. She never received her chance to live what she had achieved.
Thoughts of both women jumbled in my mind as I sat and I waited. I sunk deeper and deeper into myself as I thought of them. So very different. So very much unlike one another. They didn't even really like one another. Seemingly the only thing that bound them together was the love they bore for me. I was the link that bound them together. That still bound them together in death.
And what was my role in all of this? This is where my thoughts became the most clouded. Though I knew that it was right to feel that way. In fact, the only thing I felt was shame and guilt. What else could I feel? I had antagonized Hain and I had failed to consider the consequences of my actions. I had acted impulsively. I had jumped right into the river, forcing my friends and lovers in after me. I swam to the other side, but they couldn't keep up. The two women who had most tried to control my passions had been dashed to pieces by them.
"They would be alive if it was not for me" I said aloud, hearing the words echo in my empty room. I could almost see them in the room at that moment. Kardes, standing by the window and giving me advice. Or Arkadas in my bed next to me, in the afterglow of love making. I closed my mouth and dropped my head into my hands. I kept thinking that I would do anything to go back, to change my actions to undo what had happened. I thought of all the things I would say to them when they came back. And then I would shake the ghosts away, realizing that the fantasy was preventing me from accepting that they were dead and I was solely responsible. I hated myself as Sultanah and I hated myself as Varis. I had let them down. The knowledge that both would likely have forgiven me made the guilt so much heavier.
In felt heavy, weighed down by the guilt. My breathing was slow, ponderous, and rasping. My brain flittered through a thousand different thoughts and had a hard time settling on anything for more than a few moments. I relished the pain in my hand and squeezed the growing bump in my fingers, savoring the pain I gave myself, knowing I deserved more. I wanted to cut off my hands or gouge out my eyes, I wanted something to relieve this pressure inside of me. This self-hatred that was growing and growing to the point that it was about to swallow me up already. I wanted to dive head first into it. To taste the oblivion.
"What on Earth do you think you are doing?" a voice called out. My head shot up instantly and I saw that the door to my room had been pushed open by guards and a woman had been shoved in. It was only then that I remembered my instructions to Saygili and the dark impulses that had placed them there. I felt those impulses flooding back, overwhelming my self-hatred and allowing me to breathe fire outwardly, "Oh it is you," the woman said as she adjusted to the light and looked over at me. The guards quickly closed the door, leaving me alone as per Saygili's instructions.
"Is that how you speak to me?" I said, feeling the same anger rising up inside of me. The anger directed inward was now pouring out. But it was more controlled now, and more focused. It was pure hate.
"I meant no offense, Sultanah," the woman said snottily, "But what is the meaning of this? By what right do you bring me here? Let me and my mother return home this instant. This is absolutely unheard of, though I suppose I should expect nothing less..." As she droned on with her complaints, she walked from the door in closer towards me. Slowly her form came into the light. Even in my state, I was surprised by how beautiful she was. It seemed so unlikely that a fleshy, unpleasant man and his wan, worn out wife had ever produced such an alluring creature. Of course, I did not think of it in just that way. I thought about a flower growing in a pile shit and wondered what it would feel like to stomp it into the ground.
She was petite and slim at around 5'1 and she looked younger than her 24 years. She had exceptionally long, black hair that hung down straight along her back. Her skin was a light olive color and very smooth and even looking. She had wide, innocent looking dark eyes, a small, slightly upturned celestial nose. Her lips were tight but pouty and her face had a look of intentional innocence. Her arms were thin and elegant, her breasts were perfectly proportional and sat up high on her chest. Her stomach was flat and her waist was very thin. Her hips were somewhat narrower than her breasts and her legs were similar to her arms, graceful and lean.
She had clearly been roused from bed and she was wearing only a nightshirt that fell halfway down her thighs and had very short sleeves. However, her eyes did not look sleepy, instead, she was enraged. It was rippling below her barely controlled surface. I fed on that, feeling my own heat rising. Her reasons were so insignificant compared to mine. She had no right to feel anything.
"Silence," I said and Kolza reacted to the coldness in my voice. She stopped moving towards me and stumbled a little. She took a deep breath and seemed to collect herself.
"Sultanah," she said, making an effort to sound more respectful, "I do not understand why I was roused by armed men in my sleep, dragged through the streets with my mother, imprisoned in this palace, and then finally brought here to you. I believe it is totally unconscionable and outrageous. I believe that this is the actions of a despot and a tyrant and I do not intend to stand for it," despite her efforts to be submissive, she got angrier and angrier the more she spoke. I saw her cheeks flushing red and her eyes growing wild. An unbecoming petulance in one so physically lovely.
"It is not for you to know why I do anything I do," I said to her. I was still not certain what I was going to do with her. That's not true. I knew exactly how this would end and I wanted it. But I couldn't admit it to myself in that moment. I can rarely admit it to myself now. Something had taken hold of me. That's a lie. I was directing this, but I knew, even then, that I did not want the responsibility.
"You have no right to hold me here. This is not fair and it is not right," she spoke as a child who is used to getting her way. She truly was the pampered favorite of an indulgent father. I had a long and spite-filled history with just such a girl and I felt that baggage shifting onto her as well. Just a little more kindling to throw on the raging bonfire, "And when my father finds out..."
"Where is your father?" I interrupted her. After all, she was here ostensibly to be interrogated. She looked taken aback, as if I had no right to question her.
"Why ask me? I am sure you have him here somewhere," Kolza responded coolly. I wondered if she was play-acting her ignorance, though I admitted she seemed genuine. She did not appear intelligent enough to manage artifice.
"Tell me where he is and you can leave now," I lied. I sat up in the bed as I spoke (feeling a little lightheaded) and then draped my feet over the side of the bed. In a moment, I was standing on the cold floor next to my bed. I walked slowly, gaining my bearings, until I was standing in front of Kolza, just a few feet from her face. I wanted to look at her while she answered.
"Did you not hear me or something?" she asked shrugging, "I said I don't know. I assume you have him here."
"When was the last time you saw him," I asked quickly.
"I don't have to tell you that!" she spat back. I raised my hand quickly and brought my open palm crashing against Kolza's cheek. I heard her grunt slightly and then the room filled with the sound of my slap. My fingers hurt slightly and my whole hand felt tingly. But the power was incredible. I felt weight lifted from my chest. I had shot some of my hate out of my hand and had deposited it in Kolza's smug face. It felt good. I had to restrain myself from hitting her again for no reason.
For her part, Kolza staggered slightly and remained on her feet. Her hands instinctively rose to her now reddened cheek, holding it closely. Her large, innocent eyes were staring at me in disbelief and she was whimpering slightly in pain. After a few moments, she mastered herself and stood up straight again. There were tears in the corners of her eyes but she spoke without sniffling. Ladies must always maintain their dignity. Though I planned to test that.
"You can't do that, you won't get away with it," she said pridefully.
"When was the last time you saw your raging prick of a father?" I asked. She hesitated a moment and I slowly raised my hand again. I wanted her not to speak, I wanted an excuse to hit her again, to feel that power over her grow. To feel the relief that it brought, the righteous release.
"I don't know," she finally mumbled, "It was likely this morning at breakfast." She was looking at me warily. I was beginning to believe that she didn't know anything useful. But she definitely did not trust me.
"Had he been acting strangely? Did he discuss any plans?" I asked.
"What?" she asked. I took this as an excuse. I quickly lifted my hand and slapped Kolza's face again. I swung harder this time and I felt the bones of her face hard against my palm. She screamed in pain and dropped to her knees. The physical sensation was more intense than before, but the spiritual gratification was somewhat lessened. I needed more than this to satisfy my rage. I could hear Kolza panting slightly and she rose to her feet again. Her cheek was very red and glistening with tears.
"Don't do that!" she begged, "Please, I don't understand. You can't do this..." I raised my hand again and she cowered slightly, "And I don't think so. I mean he doesn't talk about that kind of stuff with me. Or my mother."
"Where would he go if he fled the city?" I asked, but I was already nearly certain that she knew nothing.
"Where would he go?" she asked, then added quickly before I could react, "My father wouldn't leave. I don't know where he'd go if he did."
"Well he is gone," I said.
"No, he can't be," she said.
"Are you calling me a liar you shit? He is gone."
"I don't believe you! You cannot do this," she said. I raised my hand again, tired of that refrain. Kolza raised her hand in self-defense, "Please, I don't know what is going on." I felt now to that I needed to hit her in a different way. To cast down her idol and see her disillusionment.
"He burst into my palace an hour and a half ago and tried to murder me. He killed my sister Kardes, my closest advisor Arkadas, and two of my priestess. My army defeated his coup and he fled. Most of his co-conspirators will not live the night. He left you here because he doesn't care what happens to you," I spilled it all in a couple of long breaths. I saw Kolza's eyes go glassy and as I was speaking she was shaking her head.
"No..."she final said, "No, there is a mistake. Just bring him here and he will explain and it will all go back to normal. Don't kill anyone!"
"I didn't choose to kill anyone. He did. Things cannot go back where they were. And for the last fucking time, if I knew where he was he would be here. I cannot bring him here, he fled the city in the night and left you here."
"He wouldn't do that," she shot back but clearly she was growing nervous. Her breathing was shallower and she was glancing around, desperately, searching for some way out of this.
"Why not, because he is your daddy and you are his special little girl? He wouldn't leave you?"
"Stop!" she said and I knew that I was close to the truth. She felt abandoned.
"Is it tough to be the favorite and then find out that your daddy is a snake, a traitor, and a coward to boot?" I asked.
"He is not!"
"Then tell him to come here and save you!" I shot back. Kolza's eyes grew wide and her hand rubbed her cheek warily.
"Save me from what? What are you going to do to me?" As she spoke, she took a step back and her voice grew higher. It was clear we were building towards something. As my anger and my hatred began to rise to heights I had never felt before, I decided that it was time to let her know what that was. It was clear that she didn't have any information. Frankly, I hadn't expected or wanted any information. It wasn't about that.
"Your father could have found a way to just come for me. Maybe there were times that he tried. But he was a failure at that like he was a failure at everything else. And then today he burst into a meeting of my Inner Council. He killed my sister. He killed my friends. And he killed my priestesses. And he left me. And I have to live with that. But he was the one who decided to make it about family. About people we care about," I said, the words shooting from my lips like darts of ice. I saw the recognition come into Kolza's eyes. She almost turned to run, but seemed rooted in her spot. There was nowhere to go.
"I didn't have anything to do with this. I am sure it was an accident. He just wanted you!" she said. A light went off in my head.
"So you knew he wanted me dead?" I asked, it seemed she had admitted as much.
"Not dead. Just gone. I don't know all the details. I just knew he wanted you gone," she said desperately, "I didn't do anything about it. It was just...it was just an idea. Don't kill me." She was almost to the door now, looking at it desperately, her eyes panicked. I could see her large chest rising and falling in fear. I breathed that fear in. I loved it. I decided to leave that point hanging and address the first part of her statement.
"What idea?" I asked.
"Just...Just he would get rid of you and I would marry Prince Lider..."
"The heir to Dusman? The son of my father's murderer? My wife's former fiancé?" I asked. This was a revelation. I had always suspected that Hain was collaborating with my enemies. In fact, I knew it even if I couldn't prove it. Now I heard it from his daughter's mouth. I also knew where he was even if she didn't. On the road, halfway to Dusman territory now. It explained why Kolza was not yet wed.
"I wasn't involved. I just heard about it. I didn't know anything more about the plan than that I would marry Lider. I thought we were moving there if things grew too bad here," she was pleading so pathetically that I knew she was telling the truth, "Please, don't hurt me. You can't kill me in cold blood. I am sorry about your sister and your friend..." She'd raised that issue a second time, clearly that is what she thought of me. But I had more imagination than that. I decided to address her point at last.
"Kill?" I asked and then snorted, "Oh no. No one said anything about killing. You are going to walk out of this room very much alive," I explained. I saw Kolza give a sigh of relief. Though she was still nervous, my exact intentions were unclear. She stopped by the door, panting.
"I thought you were saying..." Kolza began and then trailed off.
"No. I didn't say I was going to kill you. I was implying that I was going to punish your father. He punished me by killing my Arkadas and my Kardes. Whether he knew it or not, I valued those people as confidants and advisors. As friends and lovers. By killing them, he took that away from me. I can no longer have them to, to speak with them, to love them, and share in their lives. I don't have that," I said. My voice nearly cracked and I fought to keep the tears from my eyes.
"I am...sorry," she lied, her shoulders sagging. I ignored her worthless comment and forged ahead.
"I now understand why your father values you. You are an attractive young woman with a haughty, aristocratic attitude. A fine wife, you would make. Your father valued you as trading stock. Your cunny in exchange for some sort of political favor. My guess is he would retain the independence of the Empire temporarily by naming Lider's children as the heir. That way, his grandchildren would sit on my throne. Not an entirely stupid idea. Regardless, you were essential for that. A marriage prize, that is your value to your father. And I am going to take that from him."
"What do you mean?" she asked, looking down between her legs. She sounded terrified and was rooted in her place on the floor. Perhaps she thought I was going to mutilate her or something.
"No one wants to marry a whore," I said simply. And, for the first time, I made it clear to Kolza and to myself what I was suggesting.
The shadow of the idea had come upon me the instant that the instant I had heard Saygili mention Kolza. It was no so much an idea as a need. A compulsion. Some, perhaps most of it, was simply pure hatred for Hain. He had destroyed two important people in my life and I was going to have my revenge. And I wanted to do it in a way that hurt the most. Both for him and for the people he loved. It was so elegant and beautiful because harming Kolza would give me relief in and of itself, but it was a means to harming Hain as well. Two birds with one stone.
But there was more to it than that. I could feel my self-hatred and my shame rising inside of me as I contemplated the events that led to the deaths of Kardes and Arkadas. I could feel myself slipping into a depression even as the emotions were raw. I knew that my true self, Varis, could never forgive myself for what had happened. I would take my shame and my guilt to the grave. My friends deserved that and so did I. I knew it. But there was a larger part of me now, something that had been slowly taking me over for months. It was the Sultanah. And, as much as it increased my shame and my self-disgust to think about it, the Sultanah could not afford to hold on to these things. The decisions I made, even the mistakes, were momentous. People died from my decisions with distressing frequency. If I began to feel that, even for a good reason, I knew that I would be lost. That I would lock up and fail to make any decisions of any kind. The shame and guilt that would be the only honorable option for a private person was not available to me. Too much depended on me to turn inward. And I hated myself more for these thoughts, increasing the need to neutralize them, hastening the cycle.
What I needed was to externalize that hatred. I hate to suck it out like poison and keep it from infecting me. The Sultanah needed to be protected from Varis' human emotions. I had to place the guilt and the shame that I had earned in the deaths of my lovers somewhere else. But I also knew that that that kind of hatred had to be directed somewhere. It could not be vented into the air or buried in the ground. If it did not attach to me, it had to adhere to another, guilty person. I had to turn my hatred onto someone else, to cast it away so that I could continue to function as the Sultanah. And Kolza was the perfect person. And now I have found the perfect way to give that hatred to her.
I crossed rapidly across the room towards Kolza. She remained stuck, frozen to her place on the floor. I reached forward now and grabbed the fabric on the front of Kolza's night shirt. I twisted the fabric in my hand and gave it a hard yank. Kolza let out a loud yip and I could see the panic in her eyes. She tried to turn and run. What my awkward attempt at grabbing had failed to do, Kolza's panicked motions completed. I heard a loud ripping sound and Kolza spun around twice. The seams of her shirt tore and soon the white cloth was balled in my fist. Kolza had lost her balance and had fallen naked onto her hands and knees on the floor. Her body was as lovely as it had seemed with perfectly shaped tear-drop breasts, large smooth pink nipples, and bare-shaven cunny with tight pink lips. I wanted it badly, I wanted to possess it in a way that would take it from her without killing her.
I pounced on her quickly, shoving her down so that her breasts and cunny were face down onto the cold floor. I sat heavily on her ass and put my hands on her shoulders, holding her down. She was panicked and flailing wildly, but I was possessed by some sort of strength that I did not even understand. My hands essentially dug into Kolza's shoulders, holding her in place while she writhed.
Kolza knew what was happening now. She had been a little bit uncertain, I think, of my actual intentions before this point. But as she lay naked on the floor, there was no longer any room for delusion or denial. She was crying now and kicking her legs wildly. She was calling out for help even though she knew that it was never going to come. A year in the saddle and out in the wild world had made me stronger than this little aristocratic fool. She could not escape. I had her in my power and the more she struggled, the more tired she became and the stronger I felt.
In fact, I was feeling a good deal of strange things. Things that I never expected. Perhaps more importantly, there were things that I didn't feel. I felt no compassion for this girl beneath me. I didn't even really think of her as a person. I thought of her as an object of Hain's affection and a symbol of his treason. I wanted to destroy it. As for what I felt, the most important and confusing sensation was...arousal. As Kolza's taut young body writhed under me and I felt the power I had over her, I felt my body begin to react. I knew that Kolza could feel my hardening cock pressing against her ass and I felt a chill at the sensation. Working one handed and keeping my other hand on Kolza, I rapidly began to pull my loose clothing off. The tears and rips that had occurred during the earlier melee made it easier and soon I was naked and holding Kolza down with two hands again. My cock was completely hard now and it rested between Kozla's warm asscheeks, rubbing against her small, pink anus.
"You are a woman!" she cried desperately, struggling with renewed effort on the cold floor beneath me, "You are a girl. How can you do this to me?" her voice came out in a choking gasp, more of a cry than a statement. Her body heaved in fear and disgust.
"Only one person truly knew me as a girl. Only two people ever counseled me to show compassion. Your father had them both killed. I am no girl. Any part of a girl I once was has been swept away. I feel no compassion. I do not know mercy. It is a pity for you that those restraints are gone. Your father sewed the wind and you will reap the whirlwind. I am only the Sultanah now. And whatever a Sultanah wants, she can take!" It felt so powerful to say those words and I felt the hate pouring out of my mouth and landing heavy on Kolza's body. There was nothing left to say now, just to do whatever I wanted. To give everything to Kolza, to leave it in her.
"Please," she begged and stopped struggling for a moment. She turned and looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes wide with terror, "I have...I have kept my purity for marriage." She said in a small voice. It was as though she had let me in on some momentous secret, like that fact would be enough to save her now. I snorted.
"Purity? You are pure because no one has been in your cunny?" I asked, "When you live with traitors and plot the end of the Empire. You are impure." She writhed some now and she screamed again, her voice growing hoarse, "But I won't take your cunny. You kept it 'pure' to your standards and I will leave it that way." I said. She relaxed some but remained largely tense.
"Thank you," she said nervously.
"But your asshole, that wasn't pure to begin with," I said. With that, I moved my cock slightly to the side, exposing Kolza's pink, crinkled anus. I bent my neck over it and let a large, wet blob of spit fall from between my lips. My aim was perfect and, despite the fact that Kolza was struggling again, it landed perfectly on her asshole, covering it in a thick layer of white saliva.
"No! No! No! No! No!" Kolza was chanting while she rocked on the ground. She was clearly exhausted now, but she still made an effort to fight me. I took my right hand and placed it between her shoulder blades now. Then I rose up off of Kolza's ass, sliding back into a kneeling position with my shins across her calves. She tried to rise up but I kept most of my weight on my hand, leaning forward. As a result, she was only able to raise her ass into the air. Exactly what I wanted. She moved her hips around as best she could, but it would grind her shins into the hard floor and eventually she stopped. I moved my hips into her, keeping her ass high in the air.
Now I took my left hand and spit into it. Then I dropped it down and wrapped it carefully around my hard cock. I worked my saliva around on my cock, getting it wet. I looked down at Kolza's asshole and I could see my spit starting to drip off of it. My cock felt almost unbearably hard in my hands. It was throbbing all over and the tip of my cock felt like hot, polished stone. I had never felt anything like it. I was so intensely excited.
Some of it, of course, was because she was an alluring woman. The round fullness of her ass tapering down to her narrow waist, her proportional back, her long hair, it was all a beautiful sight. But some of it was just the awesome feeling of power I had in that moment. I had been stripped of my power by Hain, and by seizing this from his daughter, I was taking it back. I would give back some of the evil this family had given mine. I used my hand to position my cock at Kolza's tight anus. I felt the cool wetness of my saliva and then the folded warmth of Kolza's body as I pressed into her.
"No, oh, please no!" she begged, the tears choking her and her struggle intensifying. She could not have said anything that would have pushed me towards her with more desire. I grunted and then shoved my hips in towards her. Kolza screamed with surprise and discomfort. I looked down, watching, as the tip of my cock press against Kolza's asshole. She was struggling against me and I could see her skin stretching and resisting my cock's efforts to stretch her own. I felt intense pressure and even a little, pinching pain on my cock as I pushed harder and harder into her. I felt my hard cock bending painfully as I tried to push it into Kolza's asshole.
It was Kolza, rather than anything I did, that finally broke the painful stalemate. I had almost decided that it was not possible, that Kolza's clenching muscles would keep me out. But, Kolza, growing more and more uncomfortable by the second, had tried to buck me away, shaking her hips wildly and screaming. But her motion had the opposite effect from what she wanted. Rather than tossing me off, her wiggling worked her hips backwards. Her efforts caused her to slip up slightly and her muscles relaxed. All the built up tension was released and I felt the pressure massively dissipated and I felt the tip of my cock slip into her wet anus. In fact, it was more than the tip. I had been pushing so hard that when Kolza's resistance broke, the tip of my cock and another inch sunk deep inside of her.
"No, Oh Tanri's balls, fuck!" Kolza moaned loudly as I entered her. I could her sobbing and her hips stopped rocking. Her head pitched forward and she buried her face in her forearms, folded on the ground in front of her. She dared not move now, knowing that her movements had allowed me to enter her.
Kolza's body felt incredible. Both physically and, of course, something more. Physically, her asshole was incredibly tight and her fearful motions were making it contract tightly around me. Despite her resistance, her insides were wet with my saliva and her body was trying to suck me in deeper and deeper, massaging the underside of my cock. I groaned as I felt her body trembling around me. Beyond the pleasurable physical sensation of slipping my cock into Kolza asshole, there was a spiritual aspect to it as well. I could feel all the hatred inside of me concentrating, pouring down into my cock. Each movement of my hips poured it into her. I could sense the self-hatred leaving me a little bit at a time as I took revenge for the wrongs done to Kardes and Arkadas.
With a little more than the tip of my cock now inside of her, I moved my hand off of Kozla's back. I slide both of my hands back now, hooking them tightly around Kolza's thighs. Despite the discomfort, I kept my shins folded over the backs of Kozla's legs, locking her in place. Not that she was trying to move anyhow. I could hear her crying slightly, but she was no longer trying to move away. Her earlier struggles had only made things worse and now she was accepting it.
I started to pull on Kozla's thighs, bringing her back in towards me. At the same time, I pushed my hips forward. Kozla's asshole was incredibly tight and she was, by no means, helping me as I worked, but I had already breached her defenses now. It was not as easy as it could be, but slowly my cock, so rigid and hard, began to push deeper and deeper into the debutante's asshole. Her legs were shaking underneath of me and occasionally I would hear a low groan, but otherwise she simply allowed it to happen.
After several minutes of careful work (and a good deal of additional spit deposited onto the top of my cock) I felt my stomach push into Kozla's round asscheeks. I felt my balls pressing against her cunny. I knew that I was totally inside her now. All five inches completely inside of the resistant woman. I had taken it from her.
"I am inside of you, whore," I said, "Do you think Prince Lider will want you now?" She went rigid for a moment and made no noise. I thought that she was going to ignore the question. I reached down and smacked her ass with my open palm and a loud smacking sound filled the room. Kozla wailed as I put my hand back on her thigh, and then she spoke.
"No," she finally moaned and her shoulders began to shake. I loved the feeling of her despair. It covered up my own, made me forget about the desolation I felt. In response to her cries, I began to move my hips back and forth. She screamed loudly now and her knees almost gave way. I held her up with my arms as my cock rocked out of her and then slid back in. Her tightness was unbearable now, I could feel all of her insides rippling up and down along the length of my cock. She occasionally still squeezed me tight, especially when she screamed out on occasion and I felt her milking my hard cock.
"Please, I don't want this. My poor...ass...please, don't do it," she said on a few occasions, but this only pushed me further. Her cries and her quivering movements were all the encouragement I needed.
After a few minutes, I began to slip into a solid rhythm. Despite her tightness and her resistance, I began to stretch her asshole out. I began to pull my cock back out of her farther and to put it back in more forcefully, more quickly. I kept my hands on her thighs and my eyes down, watching my cock slip in and out of her ass. I breathed in the smell of her body, the fear and the sweat and everything else, and I felt soothed by it. Kardes and Arkadas moved into the background of my mind and I focused on the pleasure I felt and the total control I had over Kozla.
I began to move faster and faster and my cock started to slip in and out of Kozla's ass with more and more force. I felt my hips smash into Kozla's ass and I felt her body shake at the force of my movements. I noticed that my balls were very full and they were hanging low as I fucked Kozla. As my cock swung forward and my hips shuddered to a stop, my balls with shoot forward, slapping hard against Kozla's cunny and tapping her clit. I occasionally heard Kozla yelp while this happened.
After a pretty long period of time, I began to notice something kind of strange. Where, in the beginning, I had to hold Kozla's legs tightly with my arms, reaching down low while I thrust my hips, I found that it was no longer necessary. Kozla no longer threatened to pitch forward if I dropped her. I didn't even hear her crying anymore. It was not that she was participating, she was not shoving her hips back into me. But she was passively taking my thrusts now. Her knees stayed solid and her ass stayed in the air as my cock moved in and out of it.
I took advantage of the situation. I took my hands off of Kozla's thighs and immediately brought them up to my breasts. My nipples were aching terrible and my breasts were bouncing up and down on my chest. My fingers immediately began to knead and my nipples and sink into the taut flesh of my breast. I could feel the nerves sending messages from my aching nipples down to my hard cock, heightening the experience.
A short time later, I became aware of something else. Two things, actually. The first was a gentle noise. I could barely hear it over the sound of my skin slapping against Kozla's, but occasionally, it would rise high enough that I could hear it. It was coming from Kozla's lips. It was no longer pleas for me to stop or whimpers of pain. It was a gentle moaning sound, or perhaps a groan. This sound was more ambiguous than her previous noises. It was possible she was just tired and these small noises were all the protest she could muster. But, they didn't sound like that. They didn't sound like she was in pain or that she was scared or angry. They almost sounded like pleasure.
The other sensation I felt a few moments later seemed to confirm this supposition. I felt a slickness against my thigh as I thrust. I took my eye from Kozla's lips and looked down between our legs. I saw a small streak of wetness on the top of my thigh. I could feel liquid on my balls, more so on than on my leg. At first I thought my cunny was dripping down onto my cock, but I reached back and felt. I was wet, but not dripping. Besides, most of the liquid was on the parts of my scrotum that was smacking into Kozla's body. I thrust again, and now I was certain. Kozla's cunny had split open for me and she was drenching my balls with her juices.
At first I could hardly understand what was going on. My thrusts grew slower, a bit more pensive. Was...was Kozla enjoying this? I felt a pinching feeling in my stomach and my head hurt more than it had since I'd stood up from the bed. If she was enjoying this...then what was the point? I felt my hatred grow even more intense and I didn't know what to do with it, I started to shove my cock harder and harder into Kozla, trying to make her feel the contempt I had for her and her entire family. And as I did so, I heard her shudder a bit, but I also felt her cunny get wetter and heard a sonorous moan escape from her lips.
"Oh fuck, I am betraying myself," I heard Kozla whisper, embarrassed under her breath.
My new burst of rage rapidly dissipated and a wide smile spread across my face. I realized now what was happening. It was not so much that Kozla was enjoying what was happening, in her heart she wanted me to stop. But it was also true that she had begun, despite herself, to feel physical pleasure at my touch. After all, she had kept herself 'pure,' she didn't know what she liked or wanted. Her mind and her spirit were rebelling against me, but her body was a traitor. Just as her father had betrayed me, her cunny and her tight asshole were betraying her. And that gave me more pleasure than I could possibly stand. I thrust into her again, watching the rebellion unfold.
In a few minutes, I could feel myself growing close. The tension was growing inside of me and my muscles were tightening up. I was panting and I could feel sweat standing out on my skin. But I could also sense something else. I was essentially crazed at that moment. My grief, my shame, and my rage had taken me over entirely. They were pushing me on to this and I was simply along for the delicious ride. But I knew that once I came, the spell would somehow be broken. I would not be able to keep doing this after I had finished. I would be released. But I wasn't done yet. There was more I needed to do. As a result, I stopped thrusting. The tension lessened slightly and I felt the orgasm begin to subside.
More importantly, I felt Kozla react to my sudden stop. I heard her whimper slightly and her legs shuddered, moving my cock inside of her body. I knew that if I did not stop now, she was going to push me over the edge despite myself. I moved my hands back down to Kozla's hips and slowly pulled my cock out of her ass. Her body was so tight, just the sensation of moving out of her was unbelievable. I noticed that Kozla let out a soft moan as I moved out as well. Now, as the tip of my cock slipped out of her body, I looked down and saw her cunny below her red, stretched asshole and saw that it was dripping wet.
Kozla stayed on the ground with her ass up in the air. She was not moving. I slowly stood up behind her, my hard cock glistening with spit and her wetness towering over her. My shins were no longer keeping her knees in place, but still she did not move. I walked up in front of her, but she kept her head down. I could see her panting heavily. But I could not see her face. Now that my cock was no longer inside of her and the pleasure had ceased, the anger was rising up in me again. I knew what I wanted.
"Just what the fuck did you think you were doing?" I asked her sharply. Her shoulders hunched but she did not look up. I was glad. I reached down quickly, grabbed a large handful of her soft, smooth hair, and then wrenched it around in my hand. Kozla let out a loud screech and rose up quickly onto her knees.
"Ouch, oh fuck Sultanah," she moaned, her breasts jiggling lewdly as she nearly rose to her feet, "I was not doing anything. I was letting you do whatever you wanted!" She winced in pain when I twisted her hair. I felt that old, powerful feeling surge through me.
"Look at my cock!" I said loudly. Kozla's mouth dropped open but her innocent eyes remained fixed on my face. I yanked once harshly on her hair, "my cock!" I said. She screamed again and her eyes dropped to my throbbing member.
"What about it?" She asked desperately, squirming. She squirmed so much that she fell backwards onto the floor, I gave her a little slack so she fell onto her ass with her legs spread. I looked down at her wet pink cunny and could see from where I was standing that her little clit was hard and slick with juices.
"It is covered in spit and ass!" I said.
"You put it there!" Kozla said, "I am sorry I did it," she added quickly, realizing that fighting me had already gotten her into a lot of trouble, "I am sorry just me go!"
"No," I responded and without saying more I started to walk towards my bed. I kept my hands tangled in Kozla's hair and she let out a scream of pain. She started to move after me. I did not give her time to rise to her feet and she skittered along on her knees. After a moment, I came to my bed and sat down quickly, facing out. I spread my legs and quickly pulled Kozla in between them on her knees. She made a yelping sound as she fell into me. Her elbow bumped into my thigh and her breasts crashed warm and soft into my cock. I groaned, but I kept my hand in Kozla's hair, keeping her in place. She was looking up at me with her big, innocent eyes. I let her sit there for several seconds.
"Well?" I asked after a time. Kozla looked at me more confused than before.
"Well what...Sultanah. My lady," she quickly added, sounding more respectful now, not just pretending to be. I nodded.
"Clean my cock, what were we just talking about?" I asked exasperated. Kozla froze for a moment and then began to look around the room. I let her go for a while, but I kept a tight hold on her hair. "What are you searching for?" I asked.
"A towel or something..." she said. I snorted and shook my head.
"With your mouth and your tongue you idiot," I said sharply. Kozla's eyes grew wide and she shook her head. She put her hands up and tried to move back, but I reined her in easily by her hair.
"Please Sultanah, I don't want to..." she said, tears forming in her eyes.
"Your cunny says different," I said, using my free hand to point down to her wet cunny. She looked down and blushed deeply (where her face was not already red from my blows). I think that perhaps she did not believe that I could tell. That I thought that her body hated it as much as her mind. She was surprised and ashamed that I had found her out. With less vehemence now, she simply shook her head no.
"I...please don't make me. It is dirty," she said.
"That is the problem, it needs to be cleaned. Now do it!" I said. Without waiting for a response I pulled her in towards me quickly. She let out a yelp and in a moment, I felt her face pressing against my cock. Her chin was resting on my balls and her lips and nose were against the shaft. I could feel her breathing against it and she was struggling slightly. We stayed that way for several seconds.
"I won't do it!" she said finally, moving her head side to side. I tightened my grip on her hair and she squealed with pain. I loosed the grip again.
"You are going to do it or I am going to pull all the hairs out of your head in one giant fist," I said, "You will lick and suck my cock until it is clean. I have already fucked your ass, you are already a whore. This is the end of the line for you. You aren't going to be a princess or a queen now. That is for me. Your body already wants it, just get your mind right."
Still for a few more seconds, she simply sat with her face pressed against my throbbing cock, sensing her ass on it. I saw her head droop slightly. Then I felt it. I hot, wetness against the base of my cock, probing against the vein running along the underside. A tongue. Kozla was licking, furtively, my cock. I moaned and threw my head back. But I kept her hair tightly in my hand.
"Good girl," I said soothingly, "I want you to get all of it." I felt Kozla's mouth open wider and I felt her hot, soft tongue roll out between her lips. I heard her whimper a bit, but I felt her tongue spread out along the base of my cock. It felt warm and wet and the taste buds gave a delectable roughness. I knew she was tasting the flavor of my cock, my spit, and her ass mixed together on it.
For a few moments, she just held it there, coming to terms with what she was doing. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing heavily. I gave her just the gentlest tug on her hair and that knocked her out of her complacency. I felt her tongue begin to move wetly around my cock. She slipped it up and down the shaft, tasting every bit of me. I felt her tongue go up to the tip of my cock and then slide back down it, wrapping up on the sides. She dropped all the way down and ran her tongue over my balls, licking her own juices and sinking into me. I moaned loudly and I could hear her panting.
After a couple of minutes she had licked the entire bottom half of my cock clean. My skin was tingling all over and I felt my muscles contracting. I knew that the taste of our bodies was in Kozla's mouth and I was somewhat jealous. Maybe more so because Kozla seemed to be enjoying it. She was humming slightly as she worked.
More importantly, and without prompting, Kozla wrapped her hands around the base of my cock, pulling it down so that it pointed straight out away from my body. Kozla rose up highly on her knees and then bent over me. I felt the tip of my cock push into Kozla's neck as she got into position. I saw her mouth open and saw her long, pink tongue slip from her mouth. I gasped as it landed on the top of my cock. I felt her tongue moving around quickly in a soft, un-tensed mass. She moved more quickly now and her tongue took in more and more of me. She moaned somewhat louder as she worked. I could see her legs squeezing together despite herself, teasing her own cunny.
Finally, she had cleaned my entire cock and sucked down our combined juices. But she kept her tongue on me, I knew she didn't want to stop, at least her body didn't.
"Put the tip in your mouth, it needs to be extra clean," I demanded. Kozla moved her head back and dropped down slightly on her knees. She kept my cock held gingerly in her hand and it was still pulled down, pointing towards her face. Her eyes were opened now and she was looking up at me. I could see a strange mixture of hatred and desire there. I knew that the hatred was turned in towards herself and I knew that I was giving it to her, this self-loathing. It was working out as I had planned.
Kozla's body had, by this time, clearly mastered her mind and she was enslaved by her desires. Despite the fact that I could tell she did not want to, she could no longer resist the need to act. Perhaps she'd convinced herself that I would hurt her worse if she stopped. She was probably right if she did. But it didn't come to that. Instead, she carefully opened her mouth and moved her head forward.
I felt her tongue touch against the sensitive, bulging tip of my cock and I moaned loudly. I felt a shiver run through my body. Kozla did not hesitate. Keeping her tongue soft and lip she slowly slid it along the underside of my cock. Her lips parted more and I watched as the tip moved in passed her teeth and into her mouth. Her lips now closed around me and her tongue sprang into action. No longer content to languidly massage the bottom of my cock, it quickly began to swirl around the entire tip. I felt her tongue probe at my foreskin and slip around the top of my cock. She sucked in gently, creating a vacuum and swirling her tongue more intensely.
"You're a natural cocksucker, I found your true calling," I groaned, thrusting my hips up. Kozla's eyes dropped for a moment, but she didn't stop acting. In fact, her motions became more rapid and the humming noise in her throat became louder. I saw that her legs were squeezing together more and more tightly. Her body was trembling again, but no longer with fear. I decided to fuck with her a little more.
I reached my free hand down along Kozla's body, letting it snake down from her throat, over her chest, and down onto her breast. Her body became somewhat rigid but she did not even try to move. In fact, she breathed in deeply, rising her breast up to find my palm. I moved my hand down along her flesh, cupping her breast in my hand and feeling her nipple against my palm. She groaned around my cock and I squeezed a little harder.
"Do you want to play with that clit," I asked her in a soft voice. Her eyes, which had gazed down to look at my hand on her breast, instantly shot up and looked at my eyes. They looking at me pleadingly, begging me not to go further, "Do you want to flick that little clit? I see you squeezing your legs, I know that you are wet." I said. I saw tears form in Kozla's eyes and coming dripping down over her cheeks. She was still sucking wildly on my cock, but I could see her inner turmoil. Finally, her eyes registered deep, unknowable shame and she nodded twice, just small movements of her head. She wanted it. "Go ahead, do it," I ordered.
From her crouching position, Kozla's legs spread slightly. The smell of her cunny, barely noticeable before, suddenly filled my nostrils. It was a surprisingly powerful smell, musky and salty. I watched one of her hands tentatively glide over her thigh and then come to rest in the wet spot between her legs. I heard her gasp and her tongue moved more quickly over my cock as her fingers found her clit.
"You know what you're doing," I said, "You might be pure, but you aren't exactly untouched. You're daddy's little slut." I spat. Kozla nodded and kept her eyes on me. Her tongue continued to probe into my foreskin and her mouth sucked on my skin. The whole while her fingers began to flitter across her wet cunny. My body tensed against me as the pads of her fingers found her clit. I could see her hand moving rapidly, toying with her cunny lips and making her fingers slick. Her eyes remained on me and I could see deep shame in them. Tears were flowing more freely now than ever before. She did not like that she was enjoying this or that she needed, absolutely needed, to give herself relief. But she did and she knew it.
We stayed like this for some time. I sat on the bed with my legs spread, my cock sticking up high and hard between them. I still had my hand wrapped tightly in Kozla's hair, but it was really no longer necessary. I didn't have to yank on it anymore, Kozla simply did what I willed. Part of her wanted it anyway. I could tell by the way she moved.
Kozla mostly kept the tip of my cock in her mouth, swirling her tongue around it. But occasionally, she moved it out of her mouth, and drug her tongue along the length of my shaft, sometimes even finding my balls, sucking them into her mouth and moaning shamefully while she tasted them. She kept her hand between her legs and I could see her circling her fingertips over her wet clit and occasionally diving her fingers inside of her wet slit. She kept her eyes on me while she worked and I could see that inside she was begging me to tell her to stop, but she couldn't ask. Her body was pulling her along.
Kozla's actions felt wonderful, but it was abundantly clear that she had never sucked a cock before. She had no idea what she was doing. I needed more. She moved her lips back to the tip of my cock, swirling her tongue around it. I decided to show her what she needed. Without warning, I took the hand on the back of Kozla's head and rapidly shoved it forward, in towards my lap. Kozla let out a surprised yelp and stumbled forward. My cock pressed firmly into her mouth. Luckily for me, her teeth gave way quickly as she opened her mouth to yell.
In an instant, Kozla's body was shuddering and tensing as she gagged around my cock. It had slipped all the way into her, buried deep into her throat. Her eyes were still open and they bulged pleadingly as her throat contracted around my cock. I moaned at the sensation and then once again grabbed into Kozla's hair, pulling her back off of my cock. Kozla was panting deeply and spit was dripping from her chin. Her eyes were red and she looked up at me confused. I did not give her time to get her bearings. I quickly pushed her head back down into my lap, my cock pressing through her lips, across her tongue, and then down into the depths of her tight throat. Again she gagged and her throat squeezed my cock, milking it.
Again I pulled her away from me and I could feel her body trembling. My cock popped out of her mouth and she sat panting again. I held her out for a while and I saw her eyes looking at my cock. I could see her self-hatred then, I could her twisting her body and trying not to react. But she was still furiously playing with her clit. Eventually, her humiliated eyes glanced up at me once again. In a small voice, sounding somewhat watery and hoarse she said, "More."
I didn't need to be told twice. I was absolutely reveling in the power I had over her now. What would Duke Hain think about this if he saw his daughter now? Begging for more? Even the thought of that made my body ache and my fingers quickly sunk into Kozla's hair once again. I began to shove her down, but she was too quick for me. In a moment, my cock was once again buried in her throat and she was gagging and shaking against me. She was doing all the work now, shoving her cock deep into her throat, holding it, then letting it slide out before going again. Soon my cock was bouncing in an out of her throat rapidly and she was no longer even gagging, she was simply letting my cock pound into her, bruising her throat. But the whole time she was moaning and writhing against me, her fingers pleasuring herself without the slightest slackening in pace.
Kozla was essentially in a frenzy now, her motions so rapid and reckless that I could tell she was hardly in control of herself. I enjoyed that sensation but, at the same time, I recognized that she was becoming too successful. Once again, I feel the tension rising inside of me, I felt my joints locking, and I felt my lungs tightening. As my cock slid in and out of Kozla's welcoming throat, I knew that I was about to experience an orgasm. And, once again, something pulled me up short. This was not done yet. Once again without warning, I grabbed Kozla's hair and pulled her back. She yelped as my cock slipped out of her lips and she looked up at me shocked. She was panting desperately and she seemed a bit unfocused, like she'd been in a trace. I caught my breath for a second and then smiled down at her.
"You like having that cock down your throat, don't you my little whore?" I asked, looking down now at Kozla. She was panting, her eyes were red, and there were thick ropes of spit connecting her lips to my red cock. She was staring at my cock intently. She heard what I asked and I could tell she did not want to answer. But she also knew there would be a punishment if she didn't. She sighed.
"Yes, Sultanah Varis...I...I love to have your hard cock in my throat," Kozla admitted, her breath hitching as she spoke.
"But not as much as you liked it buried in your nasty little asshole?" I asked. There was a long pause now. Kozla kept her eyes open, kept them on me, but looked sort of black.
"No..." she admitted again, "I miss having your cock in my asshole. I want it again, I need you to fuck me in my nasty asshole." She was repeating back the same sort of words I was using. She was acknowledging my complete control over her. Saying what she knew I wanted her hear. The feeling of power I had before swelled in me again. I decided to give her a hard time about her word choice. Without even thinking, a plan came to me and I ran with it.
"What are you Kozla? Are you your Daddy's girl? Are you a princess? Do you belong in the same conversations as kings and princes?" I asked now. There was no question about I wanted to hear.
"No. I am a whore Sultanah, your whore," she admitted now. She looked ashamed but I saw her cheeks go red as she spoke and her eyes glistened. Her nipples grew harder and her body leaned into mine. She liked that she was admitting it. It turned her on further, even if the shame in her eyes grew deeper.
"What are you good for?" I asked sharply. Kozla did not know exactly what she as supposed to say, but she guessed well enough.
"I am a whore, I am good for whatever you want and nothing more. I will suck your cock or take it in my ass...or whatever you want. It is my pleasure to give you pleasure," she said.
"Prove it," I said and then added, "You speak like a whore. You have a dirty mouth, don't you? I need to clean it out. My whores are classy," Kozla opened her mouth wider, indicating she was willing to allow me to do whatever I wanted. My sense of power surged higher than ever before. I once again pulled her down by her hair, more slowly this time. She let me move her. Soon, the tip of my cock, still glistening with saliva, moved between her wet lips. Once the tip was inside, I let go of Kozla's hair. I was going to make her prove her submission to me by not holding her in place. Kozla's tongue began to explore my foreskin again.
"Careful with that," I said, "You could make a mess. And I don't want any mess, understand? I am cleaning your mouth," I spoke sharply and Kozla nodded obediently, my cock bouncing up and down with her head as she moved. I think she knew what was coming next because her lips tightened more closely around the tip of my cock and her tongue moved to the back of her mouth. Her fingers continued to play with her clitoris, unabated.
It took me a moment. I don't know if it was the state of my body or some subconscious hesitation on my part, but I did not start immediately. I looked down at Kozla, her pretty face smeared with saliva, reddened by my hands, and masked in shame but suffused with an aura of desire. I could not ever remember seeing anyone more beautiful than Kozla in that moment. And that allowed me to feel free.
I had not realized my need to piss until that moment. But, as soon as I was focused on it, the need became overwhelming. I shivered a tingling, warming filling covered me and I felt a drop in tension. I could feel the hot, salty liquid pouring out of my body in a rapid jet. I wanted to close my eyes, but I simply moaned and looked down at Kozla. Her face contorted slightly in a look of disgust, but her lips stayed closely wrapped around my cock. She didn't pull away. If anything, she adjusted so that she could better contain it. She moaned in her throat and kept fingering herself as her cheeks bugled with piss. I felt totally relaxed as my bladder emptied into Kozla's mouth. My cock felt like hardened steel as my excitement grew. What could possibly be more degrading to Kozla and her father than this? I could think of only one way to heighten this experience.
After a few seconds of spraying my hot piss into Kozla's welcoming mouth, I suddenly clamped down on my bladder. The flow of piss into Kozla's body was shut off. I saw her swallow down the piss that was already in her mouth and she looked up at me, expectantly. I smiled. I pulled my cock back slightly out of Kozla's mouth, just leaving the tip against her lips.
"Do you like that Kozla? Is it your favorite?" I asked harshly. Kozla's head was nodding even before I had finished speaking.
"Yes, it is delicious Sultanah, please give me more," Kozla begged as my cock rubbed against her face, and some piss dripped out over her lips and landed on her breasts. I had gotten her not only to drink my piss, but to beg for it. I felt ecstatic.
I quickly shoved my cock back into her mouth. I had barely gotten it back in before I began pissing again. Kozla moaned as more hot liquid poured into her mouth. She didn't bother storing it in her cheeks now, she just let it roll down her throat after splashing across her tongue. I wished that I had more to give, but after only a few more seconds, I felt my bladder empty. I sighed and pulled my cock from her mouth.
Even as she finished swallowing it down, I could hear a sound in Kozla's throat. At first it was just a gurgling sound as the hot piss dripped down into her stomach. But as she miraculously swallowed the last drop, I could hear her saying something. Whispering something to herself. It sounded like she was arguing with herself or something, two sides to the conversation. Then she suddenly stopped, as if something had been resolved. She looked up at me now, staring directly into my eyes. The shame and the humiliation that had been written across them before had somehow left her and I found myself slightly disturbed by that fact. What did it mean? But then I noticed that he fingers were still fumbling with her cunny, in fact two were buried deep inside of her body. She had not resolved to resist me. Instead, it rapidly became clear that she had moved through the shame and the self-hatred, and let it swallow her entirely. She had come out the other side and simply accepted it.
"I need your cock and your seed inside of me. Fuck a bastard into me, Sultanah," she whispered, but her eyes were like iron. There was no turning back now. I had broken her entirely. She could have chosen to go any way from there as I cast her into the abyss. It looked like she had decided to embrace my actions and allowed herself to be remade into the whore I'd demanded. I could hardly deny her now. I only wished her father had been here to hear her and to see what would happen next.
My thoughts regarding control or revenge were still with me at that time, but they had definitely been relegated to the background. I had been toying with Kozla, but the result was that I had been teasing myself as well. Watching Kozla not only drink, but savor my piss and then beg me to fuck her had put me beyond all reason. I no longer cared about anything else but having some relief from my burning desire.
I took Kozla's hair now tightly in my hand and I tossed it roughly forward, away from my body. Kozla yelped and lost her balance on her knees. She fell backwards with a slap onto the hard floor and let out a long sigh. I didn't give her time to recover. I quickly slid off of the bed and dropped down onto my knees on the floor. Kozla already had her legs spread wide and her fingers were still on her clit. I could smell her arousal more clearly than before and it drove me mad, pushing me further.
I positioned myself quickly, not even really sure how I was doing it. Soon my hands were on either side of Kozla's head, my hips were pressed up against hers and my breasts were lying heavily on top of hers, our nipples rubbing together. My cock was against Kozla's wet thigh and I moved my hips easily and it slipped against her cunny lips. Kozla gasped and thrust her hips forward into me. She was so unbelievably wet that this was all it took. In a moment, my cock slipped easily into Kozla's wet pussy. She shuddered as I pushed further, letting my cock slip all the way to the hilt inside of her, my balls pressing against her stretched asshole. Despite her wetness, she felt very tight on my throbbing cock and her body sucked me in.
"Choke me Sultanah," she begged, "put your hands around my throat!" Perhaps earlier, I would have objected to her giving me any kind of an order, even one like this. But I was as taken away with the events as she was. I moved my hands off of the cold floor and quickly found Kozla's neck. My thumbs went across her throat while my fingers laced around the back of her neck. I squeezed slightly as I began to rock my hips in and out of Kozla's body.
"Tighter!" she croaked and I squeezed more, "Tighter!" she begged again, barely able to get it out. Now I was squeezing tightly, completely shutting off Kozla's air. I felt her nipples growing harder against my breasts and I could feel her writhing underneath of me. Her face began to grow red and her mouth opened and closed a few times. I was almost worried about her, I had no intention of doing any permanent physical harm to her (I had not realized that limit until that very moment). But I was surprised that as I choked and thrust her something happened. Her body shook violently and I could feel her cunny contracting tightly around my cock. Her mouth was opened wide in a soundless scream and I knew that she was cumming.
I don't know what I would have done then if I too was not on the very edge. It had only been a few seconds, but I knew that Kozla needed to breathe. I was just about to release her throat when I shoved my cock into her deeply one last time. I had not really expected it, I had been focused on Kozla, but that thrust sent me over the edge. My hands dropped instantly from Kozla's throat and I heard her breath in desperately, and then I didn't notice anything else.
For just a brief moment, the entire world melted away. I did not remember Kardes. I did not remember Arkadas. I certainly didn't think of Agiz or Got. I felt no shame about their deaths nor even any guilt. I did not think of Duke Hain's betrayal or the slaughter of his followers that was likely happening in the street that moment. I did not even think of Kozla, here underneath of me as big, thick gobs of my sticky seed shot from my cock and filled her desperate cunny. I felt nothing except a warm, all-encompassing pleasure that coated my entire body and blocked out everything bad in my life. It felt like it lasted forever, but I still regretted it when it passed.
Eventually, I was able to understand where I was and what had happened. I was lying against Kozla's body, my head on the hard surface of the ground beside her head. We were both panting. My cock had softened and slipped from Kozla's body and I could feel my seed pouring out of her as I overflowed her. When I felt able, I pushed myself away from her, rising to my knees. Kozla stayed on her back and she was looking at me. Her nipples were still hard on her chest as her breasts spread out across her body. Her face looked a bit puffy and ill-used, but she was smiling. Her eyes still looked changed, she had the same manic, broken appearance. She remained mine.
"Thank you Sultanah. You have honored me," she said humbly. I didn't know what to say. As I had suspected, something about finishing changed how I felt. All of the anger and the hatred I had felt about myself felt extinguished now. I felt completely wrung out. I had shot it all into Kozla. And she loved me for it.
But rather than feeling relieved or content, I simply felt empty. Horribly, horrible empty. Like I had put everything inside of her, everything good and everything bad. I felt nothing personal of human. Maybe it would have been better if I hadn't broken her, if she was still defiant and humiliated. I didn't know. I thought about Arkadas now. And Kardes. I thought about this "revenge" I had given them. Neither one of them would have wanted it. I didn't know what it meant. I had lashed out in my rage...so horribly. Now I didn't even know if I felt shame about it. I didn't know if I could feel shame. And I didn't know what I felt about my friends and lovers anymore. It was like...I had taken something from myself when I stole Kozla's innocence. I lacked the capacity to really feel for Arkadas. For Kardes. I guess that was what I had really wanted, so that I could go one. So I could be Sultanah without self-doubt. But it seemed like such an uneven trade off. I had lost something vital. I felt black inside and didn't know what that meant.
"Yes..." was all I could manage to say to Kolza. She was transformed entirely as well. Did she even have the capacity to regret it anymore?
"I apologize for my family's betrayal. For my betrayal," she said now and I could tell that she was being sincere. It made me uncomfortable. I had not expected this. I didn't know if I wanted it, "I would do anything to apologize for my transgression. To make myself, if not my family, square for our treason. I want to serve you," as she spoke the last word, her hand rose up to my thigh, stroking it slightly. I recoiled a bit, and she looked hurt. I didn't even know how to handle that. Nonetheless, I quickly thought of a way to get rid of her for now without doing her any further harm
"Guard!" I called. In an instant the door opened. A guard walked in and saw me naked next to Kozla but, if he was surprised, he made no mention. He simply looked at me obediently.
"Yes Sultanah," he said sharply.
"Take Kozla Hain to the Temple. Leave a message with Cin to take her down to the harem when she is able," I said and I saw Kozla eyes grow wide and bright, "Cin is to tell Tutuklu that Kozla will now enter my service. Let her know that she...likes to be on the bottom of the totem pole."
"Thank you Sultanah!" Kozla gushed now, "I cannot think of a greater honor. I cannot wait for the next time you visit the harem, I shall do you all the honors you deserve..."
"Thank you Kozla," I said, cutting her off. She nodded at me a few more times as she rapidly put her clothes on. At least she took the hint now, that I needed her gone even if I wasn't discarding her. She thanked me several more times before she went to the guard and then walked out with him. She spared one last glance at me before the door closed behind her.
Now I was alone. I didn't know what I felt and I was suddenly exhausted. I sighed deeply and sat down on my bed. Afraid of what I would think about if I allowed my mind to wander, I rolled over into the bed, pulled the covers all the way over me, and went to sleep.
End Chapter 13
Note: I honestly write so that I can hear the comments you all give. So please just tell me what you think. Even if it is just a sentence or two (though I always prefer more). Consider that your payment for a free story. And if you like this, I beg you to read my other stories and comment on them too. I know who my loyal readers are and I really appreciate you. Thanks!
P.S. I do one edit of my work and I try to be thorough. But I figure when it comes to handing out free erotica, you all would be better served getting it fast (if a little rough), than waiting for me to polish it like I was getting paid for my work. Especially on a massive project like this, it took a year to write and could take longer to edit. So, in short, I know there are some errors and I don't really care that much. Don't complain about the soundtrack in your porno, don't sweat the typos in your erotica. Thanks.
Aug 20, 2018 in anal